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[Fanart for Sins of Omission by Kiyaar] The Cave Scene

Aug. 13th, 2013 | 05:59 pm

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i'm terribly stupid, simple, and awfully uninteresting... but love me anyway.

Jul. 27th, 2008 | 11:54 pm
now feeling...: guiltyguilty

i make a little mountain of work
and bury myself underneath
i think it'll help me not love you as much
because that scares me

i get myself a grown up job
and a grown up apartment
and a whole bunch of grown up friends
because only a kid can keep falling in love

i move myself away from your house
away from your warm bed and your warm body
away from the things that give me those butterflies
that make me so strangely discomforted

i think that i can't possibly want to see you every day
that i shouldn't
i think that eventually
we'll get sick of each other this way

we should moderate this thing we have
we should watch it
it could run
oh it could get so out of control

but i forgot to tell you my plan
and as time went on
i forgot about the plan altogether
because it was working better than i imagined

i forgot about you
fell out of love with you
saw through you when you kissed me
and grew up without you

your body stopped being warm and felt heavy
we stopped debating and started fighting
work stopped being a distraction from you but you from it
i stopped being scared of loving you too much but not enough

i take it back, oh i take it back
don't let me grow up if it means i grow up without you
don't let me forget you
tell me you still love me even if i'm an idiot

[end]

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a writer's drive

Apr. 14th, 2008 | 03:05 am
now feeling...: everything

i write because i feel a thousand billions things in a day, and i don't see it reflected back to me in the faces of the people that i see. i write because sometimes i can't speak, and i have to relieve the pressure of the words pushing against the back of my throat. i write because i seek an explanation. i write because i seek absolution. i write because i seek to see the love that i feel, the sadness that i feel, the fucking rawness of everything that i feel, in words, so i'll never forget these feelings.

i write because i'm emotionally dysregulated. i write because half the time i think i might have borderline personality disorder. i write because i fucking feel like it, and when my emotionals are amplified like they are, i can't not.

i write because i feel like screaming. i write because i feel like crying. i write so that when i see those words that are so true staring back at me, the catharsis will come and i will be able to actually feel.

i write because i love him. i write because i hate leaving him. i write because i hope that i'll be able to secret away my feelings and my truths in these words so that i don't ever have to tell him. or i'll just be able to show him these words, and he'll know with the utmost precision how i feel. because my words are my weapon. my words gather and shape my world. my words are how i grow, and mature, and know who i am.

the day that i can no longer write... the day that these words are no longer mine... is the day that i die.

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[Poetry] Bittersweet Symphony: Refrain: Four Letter Words

Mar. 18th, 2008 | 04:24 am
now feeling...: sadsad

it's a crying shame,
that she's been closed for too long.
because every time she looks at you
with those cold guarded eyes,
words threaten to erupt from her throat.

don't you know
that she thinks that to utter them
would bring an end
to all the bitter and all the sweet
moments under the setting sun.

it's a feeling
kind of like need but sweeter,
kind of like want but harder,
kind of like pain but softer,
what is that word that she can't say.

it's a crying shame, this laughable game,
where does it end and we begin.
retorts thrown out like a challenge
but mistaken for the truth,
and now we can't take them back.

but under the silken moonlight,
my eyes are open, do you see it.
between our entwined messy limbs,
between our laboured shared breaths
it shines and shines.

soft, the sun is breaking.
the light between us fades under the glare
and honesty vanishes like the memory of a dream.
you don't have to tell her to go,
she tears herself away from the moment that's over.

she thinks to herself that it's a feeling
kind of like need but sweeter,
tinged with regret, so bitter,
kind of like home, no matter where you were,
and she never wanted to let it go.

[end]

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[Poetry] Untitled 8.1

Mar. 18th, 2008 | 04:22 am

backed into a corner
i want to run from you
never see you again
from the corner of my eye

can't give you up
but can't get you either
what is a girl to do
but to give you herself

and you say, oh, you say
that i'm not enough
and you want more
oh, the things i can't give you

baby, what am i missing
what don't i have
because i'll go get it
so i won't have to miss you

how far do i have to run
to forget the feel of you
warm against my back
your hands running up my front

all the darling memories
i'll keep them in a box
cover them over with dust
until you, darling, find them

[end]
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[Fic][Arashi] Step and Go 1/1 [R]

Mar. 6th, 2008 | 02:35 am
now feeling...: dorkydorky

Title: Step and Go

Author: Yukiko

Warnings: Yaoi, evil!Johnny, angsty!Jun, child molestation, language… oh, and sap.

Pairings: Aiba/Jun, Jun/Ohno

Summary: A look at how Jun entered the Jimusho, and why he doesn’t like to be touched. Over the years, Aiba is the only one able to penetrate his armor…

Disclaimer: Everything that follows is fictional, and none of these events occurred as I have depicted them here, especially not child molestation. I understand that this is a sensitive issue, especially while dealing with real-life people. I am only borrowing the characterizations of these people as I understand them, and using them in a fictional story, and apologize in advance if these sensitive matters offend anyone. Please politely ask, and I will take them down, if this is so. I do not wish to demean the character of Johnny, any of their staff, or to imply that MatsuJun got in on anything other than talent. Haha, perhaps this is too controversial of a story to introduce myself with, but as I have enjoyed writing it, I hope you will all enjoy reading it as well! :)

Note: Sorry that this has not been beta-ed. Please bear with me on any mistakes! -.-‘

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“why don’t you want anybody to touch you?”Collapse )

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[Fic][Gravi] Exclusive 1/1 [NC-17]

Jan. 28th, 2008 | 06:56 am
now feeling...: tiredtired
now consuming...: The Moldy Peaches - Anyone Else But You

Title: Exclusive

Author: Yukiko

Warnings: Lemon, angst, character death, minor OOC-ness.

Pairings: Shuichi/Yuki

Summary: AU timeline. Set about a year after Shuichi and Yuki begin dating. Gravi EX and most of Gravitation (Mangaverse or Animeverse) never happened. Shuichi asks to be Yuki’s one and only, with unpredictable consequences.

Disclaimer: If only I did own these boys… I’d make them do lewd things to each other. Oh wait… I still can do that… neeheeheehee.

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shuichi guessed that was when things started going irreparably wrong.Collapse )

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[Poetry] How to Leave

Dec. 8th, 2007 | 06:23 am

It's Monday morning.
A siren blares in the dim backlit subconscious.
I'm not lucid,
And really the truth is
I stayed up all night thinking of you.

It's Tuesday afternoon,
And the dusky twilight finds me
Outside your hospital room,
Trying to wring some courage
Into these balled up fists of mine.

It's Wednesday now.
The hard plastic isn't welcoming at all,
But I'm held mesmerized by your waking eyes.
"I'm sorry,"
Not really as impactful with my lips on yours.

Thursday, oh, Thursday.
Hospital sheets cocoon our reconciliatory fuck,
My lips saying all the things my voice couldn't,
And for the first time,
I let you undress all of me.

Fuck, it's Friday.
I gotta go,
And there are no words while I pull yesterday's underwear up.
You're still not well when I walk out
And I think I love you but I'll never be back.

[end]
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[Poetry] Bittersweet Symphony: Chorus

Dec. 8th, 2007 | 06:22 am

you were never mine to keep
this thing between us
slips away
as soon as you walk out the door

our whispered words and bedroom eyes
kept for each other
soft kisses and hard fucking
my knees almost buckle when i look at you

when the moonlight plays over my face
i hope you look
and fall in love with me
so that you never have to leave

what is this
some kind of crazy
how can love be so temporary
and i so bereft

fuck, look at me
look and see all the words i can't say
because sometimes i exhale them
on a last breath as i fall asleep

"i love you" and sometimes even your name
although the daylight makes me forget
and it's okay if you're not there
the sun is in my eyes and the subtleties gone

for today i'll swathe this bittersweet feeling
between sheets of courage and feminine strength
even though your heart is on your face again
i'd risk caring too much, lest i be swept away forever

[end]

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[Poetry] Untitled 7.1

Dec. 8th, 2007 | 06:22 am

the girl, she sits singular
on a crumbling wall from her childhood
singing, smiling
as the looters slip around her and away

mum had said to come back
then mum died
but her memories seep into the girl's bones
and keep them warm

oh, there goes the TV
the thieves are really moving
but they leave her be
as well as her wall

eyes slipping closed
the bright stories, with the fuzzy edges
swim back to her
in her mother's voice

mum used to talk about her true loves
she said, because her heart was big enough
the girl thought
it was just 'cause mum was addicted to adversity

there, they've moved into the basement now
there's some good wine there
she thought
she would miss the wine

mum's first love was a writer
the tortured type, mum said with a laugh
poetry and tears
they always did go hand in hand

surely, the basement is emptied
some heavy thunks drift up
a shift of cloud cover splashes light into her eyes
alas, with no roof over her broken wall

no matter what happened with the first
there was always the second
and oh, the second,
those were some good stories

mum talked about him with a blush sometimes
of the snow and his whiskey
and his endless propensity for drunken declarations
and then she would always put on a song

the girl giggled
sound like light glass, clear and sweet
because her mum was so young in her memories
even though she was old

and all the while
the looters came and went
having gone through the bedroom
and the precious privacy there

and the girl sang
of mum and her life and her loneliness
for there were others
but none that stayed

so she sang of mum and herself
of happiness in being each their own
and all the endless unstealable memories
the looters didn't know they'd missed

[end]
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